{"title":"Specialty Coffee","description":"","products":[{"product_id":"cold-brew-coffee-2","title":"The ICE Pack  (Cold Brew Coffee)","description":"\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eIntroducing the ICE Pack Cold Brew, the only coffee strong enough to chill your nerves and interrogate your taste buds at the same time. Specifically blended for cold brew coffee. Contains no additives, nothing artificial, just 100% coffee. This Premium blend coffee is a dark French roast and the grounds are coarse.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eBrewed cold for maximum potency and minimum mercy, this cold brew is flash-extracted and flavor-locked like a detainee in a holding cell. The bold, dark roast blend doesn’t just wake you up, it sends a tactical team through your bloodstream.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Company","offers":[{"title":"Standard \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44717633994889,"sku":"C-COLD BREW COFFEE-ST-1LB-BL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0714\/3768\/0777\/files\/tcr_coffee_blank_final_latest.jpg?v=1759278221"},{"product_id":"candy-cane-2","title":"Candy Cane Conviction","description":"\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eThis isn't your grandma’s peppermint mocha. \u003ci\u003eCandy Cane Conviction\u003c\/i\u003e is the holiday roast for those who think tinsel is tacky, carolers should be fingerprinted, and every peppermint stick should come with a deportation order. With each steaming cup, you’ll get a minty burst of freedom so fresh, it could be used in enhanced interrogation. The bold roast is layered with festive peppermint flavor, because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like border security and a fresh pair of zip ties.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eWhether you're detaining dreams or interrogating your in-laws, this brew brings seasonal sass with a peppermint punch that clears sinuses \u003ci\u003eand\u003c\/i\u003e moral ambiguity. It’s the perfect blend for ICE agents wrapping gifts in chain-link garland or elves working overtime in off-site detention. Pair it with a sugar cookie or a warrant either way, it’ll leave your taste buds shackled with satisfaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eSeriously… Our Premium Blend Coffee sources from four distinct regions: Brazilian beans from Cerrado's established farms, Colombian beans from Huila and Cauca's smallholder cooperatives, Guatemalan beans from Antigua and Huehuetenango's volcanic highlands, and Ethiopian beans from Guji's traditional farming communities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eSo go ahead—sip with seasonal superiority. \u003cb\u003eBecause at Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Co., even the candy canes get processed.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Company","offers":[{"title":"Coarse \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44717634191497,"sku":"C-CANDY CANE-CO-1LB-KR","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Coarse \/ 12oz","offer_id":44730897072265,"sku":"C-CANDY CANE-CO-12OZ-KR","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Whole Bean \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44730898546825,"sku":"C-CANDY CANE-WH-1LB-KR","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0714\/3768\/0777\/files\/kraft_blank_final_latest_ee4507e6-e891-460d-929c-85bc73cd4633.jpg?v=1759278224"},{"product_id":"pumpkin-spice-1","title":"Trumpkin Spice  (Single Origin Pumpkin Spice Coffee)","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis limited-run, Medium Roast screams fall, freedom, and deportation. Orange, aromatic, and as polarizing as a MAGA hat at Whole Foods. Designed to trigger liberals and energize border checkpoints. Best served during campaign season or whenever you feel like reclaiming your Constitutional right to pumpkin-flavored beverages.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSeriously though, our Tumpkin Spice Coffee is flavored with hints of pumpkin, cinnamon and nutmeg combined with a deep medium roast arabica coffee. All of our flavored coffees start as specialty grade single origin coffee roasted in small batches to a smooth blend. Each order is then carefully flavored with high quality, all natural flavoring oils while still warm. \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Company","offers":[{"title":"Whole Bean \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44717634420873,"sku":"C-PUMPKIN SPICE-WH-1LB-KR","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard \/ 12 oz","offer_id":44730910605449,"sku":"C-PUMPKIN SPICE-ST-12OZ-KR","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44730915127433,"sku":"C-PUMPKIN SPICE-ST-1LB-KR","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0714\/3768\/0777\/files\/kraft_blank_final_latest_a56109e9-bd24-4e77-93c4-4a06d886fd28.jpg?v=1759278229"},{"product_id":"candy-cane","title":"Candy Cane","description":"\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eThis isn't your grandma’s peppermint mocha.\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ci\u003eCandy Cane \u003c\/i\u003eis the holiday roast for those who think tinsel is tacky, carolers should be fingerprinted, and every peppermint stick should come with a deportation order. With each steaming cup, you’ll get a minty burst of freedom so fresh, it could be used in enhanced interrogation. The bold roast is layered with festive peppermint flavor, because nothing says “Merry Christmas” like border security and a fresh pair of zip ties.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eWhether you're detaining dreams or interrogating your in-laws, this brew brings seasonal sass with a peppermint punch that clears sinuses\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003ci\u003eand\u003c\/i\u003e\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003emoral ambiguity. It’s the perfect blend for ICE agents wrapping gifts in chain-link garland or elves working overtime in off-site detention. Pair it with a sugar cookie or a warrant either way, it’ll leave your taste buds shackled with satisfaction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eSeriously… Our Premium Blend Coffee sources from four distinct regions: Brazilian beans from Cerrado's established farms, Colombian beans from Huila and Cauca's smallholder cooperatives, Guatemalan beans from Antigua and Huehuetenango's volcanic highlands, and Ethiopian beans from Guji's traditional farming communities.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp class=\"MsoNormal\"\u003eSo go ahead—sip with seasonal superiority.\u003cspan\u003e \u003c\/span\u003e\u003cb\u003eBecause at Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Co., even the candy canes get processed.\u003c\/b\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Company","offers":[{"title":"Standard \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44728095703177,"sku":"C-CANDY CANE-ST-1LB-KR","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0714\/3768\/0777\/files\/kraft_blank_final_latest_578ed9fb-47d9-4bdf-861f-a4e9a514e6e6.jpg?v=1759435545"},{"product_id":"democrat_shutdown","title":"Democrat Shutdown  (6 Bean Blend)","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"250\" data-end=\"630\"\u003eIntroducing \u003cstrong data-start=\"262\" data-end=\"283\"\u003eDemocrat Shutdown\u003c\/strong\u003e, the medium-dark roast that \u003cstrong data-start=\"312\" data-end=\"353\"\u003epromises everything, delivers nothing\u003c\/strong\u003e, and then holds a press conference about how it’s your fault. Sourced from co-ops where every bean identifies as “non-binary, shade-grown, and unionized,” this guilt-infused blend features complex undertones of committee delays, passive-aggressive tweets, and ironic optimism.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"632\" data-end=\"934\"\u003eEach sip tastes like \u003cstrong data-start=\"653\" data-end=\"676\"\u003ehope, heavily taxed\u003c\/strong\u003e with a lingering finish of unfunded social programs and the smug satisfaction of believing you’re the smartest person in the room... despite forgetting how to pass a budget. This roast will warm your soul while cooling your confidence in basic governance.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"936\" data-end=\"1150\"\u003eCarefully roasted in a solar-powered co-working space approved by a 17-member panel on Environmental Bean Justice, \u003cstrong data-start=\"1051\" data-end=\"1072\"\u003eDemocrat Shutdown\u003c\/strong\u003e is best enjoyed while blaming tech billionaires on a smartphone made by them.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1152\" data-end=\"1174\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1152\" data-end=\"1172\"\u003ePairs well with:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1175\" data-end=\"1293\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1175\" data-end=\"1214\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1177\" data-end=\"1214\"\u003eStudent debt you promised to cancel\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1215\" data-end=\"1232\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1217\" data-end=\"1232\"\u003eNPR tote bags that have been canceled\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1233\" data-end=\"1293\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1235\" data-end=\"1293\"\u003eAnd blaming Republicans for the thing you didn’t do either\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1295\" data-end=\"1398\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1295\" data-end=\"1398\" data-is-last-node=\"\"\u003eDemocrat Shutdown – ideal for sipping through a government closure you said you’d never let happen.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Company","offers":[{"title":"Standard \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44728095735945,"sku":"C-FRENCH ROAST-ST-1LB-BL","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0714\/3768\/0777\/files\/tcr_coffee_blank_final_latest_5b2ac460-9b05-4f9c-a49a-0ea734a3cfaf.jpg?v=1759435545"},{"product_id":"republican_shutdown","title":"Republican Shutdown  (6 Bean Blend)","description":"\u003cp data-end=\"583\" data-start=\"203\"\u003eSay hello to \u003cstrong data-end=\"239\" data-start=\"216\"\u003eRepublican Shutdown\u003c\/strong\u003e, the bold dark roast that promises \u003cstrong data-end=\"321\" data-start=\"275\"\u003emaximum flavor with minimum accountability\u003c\/strong\u003e. Crafted from specialty-grade Central American beans roasted just shy of scorched earth, this brew delivers the rich taste of \u003cstrong data-end=\"491\" data-start=\"448\"\u003esmug certainty, performative patriotism\u003c\/strong\u003e, and the subtle hint of “we’re doing this for the people” — whoever those people are today.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"790\" data-start=\"585\"\u003eLike a filibuster in a blackout, this roast goes absolutely nowhere fast. It's \u003cstrong data-end=\"699\" data-start=\"664\"\u003ebig on volume, low on substance\u003c\/strong\u003e, and ideal for anyone who can’t define socialism but is pretty sure coffee is now “woke.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1088\" data-start=\"792\"\u003eWith every sip, you'll taste the scorched remains of compromise, the bold bitterness of deadlocked budgets, and the smoky aroma of national parks shuttered just in time for your vacation. Best enjoyed while shutting down conversation, government programs, or the opposing viewpoint on Fox at 8pm.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1112\" data-start=\"1090\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-end=\"1110\" data-start=\"1090\"\u003ePairs well with:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-end=\"1260\" data-start=\"1113\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1162\" data-start=\"1113\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1162\" data-start=\"1115\"\u003eA press conference that blames the other side\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1205\" data-start=\"1163\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1205\" data-start=\"1165\"\u003ePocket Constitutions you’ve never read\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-end=\"1260\" data-start=\"1206\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-end=\"1260\" data-start=\"1208\"\u003eAnd premium hypocrisy, aged in gerrymandered barrels\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-is-only-node=\"\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-end=\"1330\" data-start=\"1262\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-is-last-node=\"\" data-end=\"1330\" data-start=\"1262\"\u003eRepublican Shutdown — because flavor should never be bipartisan.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eA dark roast that never quite finishes brewing. Perfect for those who love high drama, low productivity, and blaming everyone but themselves. \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSeriously, our premium dark roast blend of specialty grade coffee from Central America \u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Company","offers":[{"title":"Standard \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44728095801481,"sku":"C-FRENCH ROAST-ST-1LB-KR","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0714\/3768\/0777\/files\/kraft_blank_final_latest_4a129509-f3f6-484e-b997-0d8da5ecc565.jpg?v=1759435546"},{"product_id":"chocolate-hazelnut","title":"Chocolate Hazelnut Extraction  (Single Origin, Hazelnut Coffee Blend)","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRoast\u003c\/strong\u003e: Medium\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"78\" data-end=\"562\"\u003eThis isn't just a chocolate hazelnut coffee, it's a full-blown psychological profile in a mug. This is what happens when your taste buds get waterboarded by rich chocolate guilt and roasted hazelnut delusions of grandeur. Sourced from the darkest corners of the culinary asylum and roasted just long enough to keep it legally sane, this blend is beloved by agents processing “emotionally unstable frequent flyers” on the \u003cem data-start=\"541\" data-end=\"559\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003eAlcatraz Express\u003c\/em\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"564\" data-end=\"884\"\u003ePerfect for mornings when you wake up wondering if you should build a border wall around your own fridge, Chocolate Hazelnut Extraction seduces with smooth cocoa notes and sucker-punches you with untraceable nutty paranoia. It’s sweet, it’s unhinged, and it may or may not have whispered conspiracy theories to you through the steam.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"886\" data-end=\"1186\" data-is-last-node=\"\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003eServe black to question your life choices, or with cream to simulate a taxpayer-funded therapy session.\u003cbr data-start=\"989\" data-end=\"992\"\u003eWarning: Not recommended for detainees still undergoing flavor interrogation.\u003cbr data-start=\"1069\" data-end=\"1072\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1072\" data-end=\"1105\" data-is-only-node=\"\"\u003eAlligator Alcatraz Coffee Co.\u003c\/strong\u003e — “We don’t decaffeinate. We detain.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSeriously though.... All of our flavored coffees start as specialty grade single origin coffee roasted in small batches to a smooth medium. Each order is then carefully flavored with high quality flavoring oils while still warm.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e*Natural Flavoring\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Alligator Alcatraz Coffee Company","offers":[{"title":"Coarse \/ 12oz","offer_id":44728557437065,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-CO-NA-12OZ","price":18.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Coarse \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44728557469833,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-CO-NA-1LB","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Coarse \/ 2 LB","offer_id":44728557502601,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-CO-NA-2LB","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Coarse \/ 5 LB","offer_id":44728557535369,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-CO-NA-5LB","price":79.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Coarse \/ 12 LB","offer_id":44728557568137,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-CO-NA-12LB","price":169.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ 12oz","offer_id":44728557600905,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-ES-NA-12OZ","price":18.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44728557633673,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-ES-NA-1LB","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ 2 LB","offer_id":44728557666441,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-ES-NA-2LB","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ 5 LB","offer_id":44728557699209,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-ES-NA-5LB","price":79.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Espresso \/ 12 LB","offer_id":44728557731977,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-ES-NA-12LB","price":169.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard \/ 12oz","offer_id":44728557764745,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-ST-NA-12OZ","price":18.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44728557797513,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-ST-NA-1LB","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard \/ 2 LB","offer_id":44728557830281,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-ST-NA-2LB","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard \/ 5 LB","offer_id":44728557863049,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-ST-NA-5LB","price":79.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard \/ 12 LB","offer_id":44728557895817,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-ST-NA-12LB","price":169.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Whole Bean \/ 12oz","offer_id":44728557928585,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-WH-NA-12OZ","price":18.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Whole Bean \/ 1 LB","offer_id":44728557961353,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-WH-NA-1LB","price":24.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Whole Bean \/ 2 LB","offer_id":44728557994121,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-WH-NA-2LB","price":39.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Whole Bean \/ 5 LB","offer_id":44728558026889,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-WH-NA-5LB","price":79.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Whole Bean \/ 12 LB","offer_id":44728558059657,"sku":"TVARCHOCOLATE HAZELNUT-WH-NA-12LB","price":169.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0714\/3768\/0777\/files\/label5_on_bag.jpg?v=1759458666"},{"product_id":"breakfast-blend","title":"Dawn Raid  (Breakfast Blend + Extra Caffeine)","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eRoast\u003c\/strong\u003e: Medium\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"76\" data-end=\"437\"\u003eStart your morning like a no-knock warrant with \u003cstrong data-start=\"155\" data-end=\"174\"\u003eDawn Raid, \u003c\/strong\u003eour turbo-charged breakfast blend brewed for high-alert, high-stakes situations. We took our classic House Breakfast Blend, already smooth and agreeable, and jacked it up with \u003cstrong data-start=\"351\" data-end=\"362\"\u003eRobusta\u003c\/strong\u003e beans for that extra kick of heart-pounding panic and paperwork precision.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"439\" data-end=\"785\"\u003eThis isn’t your gentle sunrise brew, it’s the official wake-up call of agents, border dogs, and startled fence-hoppers alike. One sip of this caffeinated contraband and you’ll feel like you’re already halfway through an early morning perimeter sweep. Notes of toasted determination, surveillance-grade clarity, and an aftertaste of probable cause.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"787\" data-end=\"1043\"\u003eCreated for those who rise before the sun, and before immigration court opens...\u003cstrong data-start=\"864\" data-end=\"883\"\u003eDawn Raid \u003c\/strong\u003eis fast, hot, and doesn’t wait for a second knock. 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